I am in the mood for a reflective ramble, so bear with me if I wander in and out of topics go off on a tangent.. I hope you'll find it worth while.

I try to hold back back how much I worry about people, I am sure some would find it reassuring. I was brought up to not meddle in other people's affairs and if they want re assurance they would ask. Lately it's been brought into sharp focus how much people keep inside and what it can do to them. How helpless you feel, and you question could you have done more? When the answer comes back as 'no' the temptation to tailspin is bad but logic kicks in and what's left is not quite calm acceptance but an acceptance nonetheless.

Sometimes you have to accept that you can't be everywhere for everyone, and that there is no magic wand. No matter how hard you wish for one. And that while what goes around comes around, sometimes it's the kicker that can take you completely by surprise.. good or bad.

I have been enjoying the ongoing banter fest that is Twitter.. *smiles* sometimes you only get half or even a third of the conversations that go on, but when people get going, it's a people watchers dream, *chuckles* it reminds me again that it doesn't matter how near or far they can be your friends are almost and in some cases are chosen family. A big bantering, raspberry blowing daft family. And there are times with the speed that things go and the people involved it's nice to just watch the tweets go past.

Which brings me to friends and loved ones. Sometimes I get tongue tied and I want to say something but it will sound (to me anyway) stupid or trite or just plain dumb. So I say nothing. I have started so many emails, conversations in my head, but sometimes when it comes to it I just can't do it. If I leave it for a while I can almost eloquently put things in a way that doesn't sound stupid. So it's not as if I don't care from from it, I just have no idea what to say. In that respect I am still my own worst enemy. There are good friends in my life that I want to say, I love you.

Not the romantic hearts and flowers soppy stuff. But the kind of feeling where you know that no one else can fill that puzzle shaped peice that makes up your life. You want to say 'I miss you'or 'I am proud that you are my friend' just cos because you are. I admire so many friends for so many reasons. Fighting illness on a day to day basis, fighting off the 'black dog',being a support for partners who are ill, doing something that will make a difference in foreign climes. Raising money for cancer.

I know some amazing people.

Musings on meetings & emotions...

 Just a collection of musings on the emotions and feelings when meeting what could be a new lover... ( this has been rambling around for a few years but have refined it a little).


When we meet someone new we all have hopes and fears .This could be the start of something wonderful and it could also end in pain.You may find further down the line you are not compatible, but sometimes that is just how it goes.


The first tinglings arrive, when you feel they have what you are looking for in a person.Then you allow those sparks to start flying, you take those first steps with someone with hope for more.

The more you talk the more you want.You fight to keep both feet on the ground not wanting to go too deep too soon. Holding on to the mind and not the heart to the harsh reality's of past hurts. Juggling the rational and irrational rolling thoughts what if this, what if that.

Your aware of how deep this could go so you fill with fear as well as excitement.You find yourself falling under their spell you fight but you fall all the same. They speak to you in volumes and touch your very soul.

You start giving a little of you as you feel deep inside that need building and aching. Then when you give and it gets returned with something bigger you feel overcome with emotion. The exchange begins learning each other what makes them tick what makes them happy or sad. Both giving and receiving building and growing.

Facing the fears that we build up over time when things fail are hard. But to give up trying is to give up living. So right now I'm living enjoying it for what is now. I hope that I will be enjoying it tomorrow too