Polyamory is what happens when Cupid upgrades to automatic weapons.
This was seen on Twitter and I loved it.. *chuckles* it appeals to my warped sense of just being warped I guess.
My views and how I see Poly are ever changing, growing with me. I did have a set idea in my head of how it would be. And yes at that time while I was trying to get my head round it all it seemed like a good idea. The idea? Oh two boyfriends.. that was it. Mainly it was due to the fact that I lived down in Plymouth so travelling was an issue. But that was it that was my perfect model for Poly at the time.
But it's changed much as I have changed. I don't class it as being greedy cos I am picky as a picky thing on a really picky day. *chuckles* And every person I meet and am friendly with is not someone I want to drag to bed. That would lead to some very short lived friendships.. on the other hand there have been people who I have fancied the pants off but knew it would go nowhere so have had a wonderful rich friendship with them. Some are aware that I do 'fancy' them but they don't use that, just accept it for what it is. That works very well.
I have taken the plunge and dated women as well. When I first started being sexually active, it was women that I experimented with. But it was due to a rather nasty and scarring incident at the age of 13/14 I shut myself away from girls, boys and became very much a loner. Being the gooseberry with friend's romances as they seemed to steamroller through boys and girls.
But I digress, in order to for me to expand openness I really need to shift my views, the reasons why they have become ingrained in my head is due to the actions of others. So I need to shake off those restrictions that were imposed, then I in turn imposed them on myself. A never ending quite vicious circle.
I need to give myself more freedom to be me.. and people that I am involved with to be them. I am rather nosey about what they do. I do realise that people have lives.. I am selfish enough to want to be important to someone or a few someone's but not enough to take over. I must admit with the likes of msn and chats I do get a little tongue tied and tend to go quiet. I never really know what to say. I have convinced myself on many occasion that I am that rubbish on msn/chat that people don't want to talk to me or find others that are far more entertaining than myself.
It has turned into in the past that I am really not worth knowing and I should leave well enough alone.
This is not the case now, I just really am not one for sitting for hours on chats and Im's but I can write a good email or text. * chuckles* so maybe I should stick to them. This also means that people can offer up information about themselves rather than me poking, prodding it out of them. I don't like it so why the hel do I think that other people will be happy with it?
I like to know who people are involved with or maybe involved with, it's not always clear cut and I shouldn't expect it to be so but yet I have done, I really need to stop that. As well as expecting my own life to be so clear cut.. would it hurt if lines etc were muddled a little and things became not so much of a juggling act but more of an interesting puzzle of ooh how do I get to do and see everyone I want. It's not been that way cos I have resisted the temptation..
There will be more.. but coffee and a mince pie call to me...
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