Is never the easiest thing in the word to do. But I am starting to figure out things and why I reach the way that I do. Talking yesterday, I found a whole load of things that I had previously thought was my problem, until I realised that I was reacting to situations that had arisen for the other person in this relationship. That is C. I am not saying that everything is his fault but there are things that would probably be a lot different if I had not had to do what I needed to do with him.I need to be about three steps if not more ahead of him, cos being the impulsive creature that he is, it can lead to all sorts happening. It's also a lot to do with the depression as well. He doesn't like himself very much as a person, and the latest g/f has done such a number on him that he doesn't know which way is up atm.
Examples:
NRE: all encompassing so that the primary partner ie: me is left out. Concentrates solely on new shiny, talks all day all night to them, texts constantly if not emailing, msn etc. Talks about them all the time, and generally making you feel like you are just a bystander in the relationship. Even if you have the same partner in common. Although admittedly nearly all were interested in him rather than us.
Relationships: as with the NRE. He will travel, he will put himself out and he will make every effort for them to be available to go to events or just to be around for them, when they need it, sometimes regardless of what's going on with me. When he is with them there are no phone calls, no texts etc, if there are any they were will be brief, sometimes over effusive if he's not texted for hours. He has expected me to be awake at stupid o'clock when he's got in from somewhere, which soon got knocked on head.
Relationships plus: If we are seeing the same person, if he has a couple of off days and can't be arsed. Then the other person will come to me, to either ask how he's doing then have I done anything wrong and down it will spiral, until they see me as nothing more than a sounding board for their complaints about him. Whatever tenuous relations I had with them have gone out of the window cos they want to complain and bitch about him. As much as I try to sort it, it isn't happening fast enough for them etc. I can't always fix things I do try to explain but doesn't always sink in :(
Sex: Non existent at the moment. I have been replaced by porn and flirting. The only time it ever happens is when he is in the mood, that's normally after flirting with people online or that he's in the mood and I am the only one around. I have been other women's names before now. I have ignored it but it's stuck at the back of my mind. When it does happen it's not fun for me and it's over before I know it, there has been more occasions than not I have felt used, and not in a good way. He almost seems to breathe a sigh of relief if I get involved with someone else.
Yes, ok sometimes hard and fast is good when you are both in the mood, but it's always like that now. I love long slow sensual playing as well as the bite me snogging fizz bang 'Gods I need you now'. While I have never believed sex is the be all and end all for relationships.. I think it helps a lot if there is a good sprinkling of it.. :) What am I talking about a good lot or as much as you can manage is good. Heck is bloody brilliant..
So yes he's not a bad person and I would like the relationship to carry on but I think that I will have to face facts, that may not happen. He is not moving out cos the relationship has ended, he is moving out to give it a fighting chance. Cos I need my own space and for that matter so does he. I also have Mc to think about and how his depression affects her. It's not just me that has seen it now and that to be fair is a bit of a relief. He does sometimes take it as a joke or retreats into himself.. He will not knowing sometimes make me feel as if it is my fault that it's the way it is. Screaming rows don't happen, me losing temper does with C running away. It's not working :(
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